


Be Gentle, Boy

by intothemidnightblue



Series: Ficlets [2]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: M/M, Pining, Well - Freeform, pining and death, smol fic, you can choose to believe there is no death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intothemidnightblue/pseuds/intothemidnightblue
Summary: Connor Murphy debates responding to the letter he was never meant to see.





	Be Gentle, Boy

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone wants to tack onto this I'd love it, but I'm not going to. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

_Be gentle, he scares easily._

_He has soft words and a big heart, he has his own problems and isn't used to yours._

 

Dear Evan Hansen,

I saw you chasing my sister and I think my heart broke because I realized I'd been chasing you.

 

"That's a shitty suicide note," Connor said to himself, "also who comes out on their deathbed?"

 

_I am._

 

Maybe it's better if I didn't leave a note. Instead I'll watch the fire eat my confession and hope the ashes scatter far enough to reach him. I don't know why I'm addressing my suicide note specifically for him, he doesn't deserve it.

Maybe it's just easier confessing everything to a perfect stranger than to my own family even from beyond the grave.

 

_Will you be my friend, in death?_

 

He expected many people to make up and embellish his presence once he was gone. The only thing he gave people were bruises, he wondered how they were going to turn a positive on that one.

 

_Evan Hansen would._

 

Evan Hansen would tell people he hung the sun and they would believe him. Evan Hansen would make his sister love him again, because why wouldn't he take this opportunity to go for a grieving heart?

 

_Maybe because he's Evan Hansen._

 

Connor Murphy liked to think he had people figured out. Every time Evan Hansen opened his mouth, Connor finds himself being proved wrong. The boy is meek as they come, as timid as a woodland creature, yet manages to embody purity in a way Connor wants to keep, or ruin.

 

_Connor Murphy has already died_

 

Connor Murphy died the day a name was put to the disease. The day changes, sometimes it's the day they chose his name, sometimes it's the day the doctor gave him his first bottle of bipolar meds. He never got a refill, his dad didn't believe the wonders of modern medicine.

 

_He just hasn't figured that out yet._

 

It's the first day of school and he already has a rope around his neck.

 

_Connor Murphy died the day he thought he could look Evan Hansen in the eyes._

 

It was a tragedy waiting to happen.

**Author's Note:**

> I was gunna add onto this and have Evan come back for his letter cause Jared told him Connor was gunna share his sex letter and my boy was a frighten.  
> I'm writing an actual story right now (i know right? I wonder how long that's gunna last lol) and so I'm losing time for fics whoops so this one stays as is unless it inspires someone else.
> 
> Kudos and comments water my crops and clear my skin  
> or talk to me on tumblr  
> lockewoodandco.tumblr.com


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